


The Wrong Thing To The Right Girl

by SoulsOfStardust



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Diego is a mess, F/M, Heavy Drinking, Kinda Punk!Vanya if you squint, Strong Language, Vanya is a badass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-11-28 06:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18205043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulsOfStardust/pseuds/SoulsOfStardust
Summary: He tried to stay smart, but the dumb came out. If he could just sober up, he could just admit it. In which, Diego is drunk and Vanya finds him endearing.





	1. The Wrong Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cross-posted from FanFiction.net. Yet another Diego/Vanya. This is a three-shot, I guess? There's three parts, the first one from Vanya's POV, the second from Diego's, and I haven't decided the third POV yet. Inspired by The Maine's Right Girl. They're twenty-two in this story, and it's set in an AU where the Umbrella Academy isn't a thing and they all know each other from school instead. Just a warning, there's strong language and alcohol consumption in the story. Lemme know what you guys think!  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Netflix's Umbrella Academy or The Maine's Right Girl. This is just for fun and not for profit.

"V-V-Vanya! Baby!" Diego exclaimed as he stumbled towards a girl with long dark hair sitting at the bar. He clumsily dropped his hand on her shoulder, which led to her spinning around and shoving him away from her. "Oh, c-come on, baby! W-what was that f-for?"

Vanya rolled her eyes as a smirk pulled at her lips. It was quite a show. Diego notoriously acted like a complete fool when he was drunk. She should know since she's served as his drinking buddy or designated driver on many an occasion for the past few years. His half-witted shenanigan that evening was probably the most amusing to date.

That is, the girl at the bar who Diego thought was Vanya was most definitely _not_ Vanya.

The real Vanya was actually sitting a few seats away from the action, nursing a tonic water.

As she glanced past Diego's shoulder, she caught sight of a guy with fire in his eyes and anger etched into his face making a beeline straight for the commotion. She sighed as she slid from her stool and threw a couple bills next to her glass on the counter. Time for her to be the hero and save his drunken ass. She made her way over to her plastered friend and pulled him out of harm's way by his leather jacket-clad forearm.

"Hey! W-what're you doing there, m-m-missy?" Diego slurred. The momentum from their movement caused him to run into her when they stopped walking a few meters away. "I was j-just talking to my g-girl over there."

"Hate to break it to you, dipshit," Vanya chuckled, patting his chest, "but she's not your girl. _I_ am."

His eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

"You're not V-Vanya," he said. "Vanya has long p-p-pretty hair. Yours is short. And p-purple." Diego stared in awe at her pixie cut as he reached out to ruffle her brown and purple locks.

She scrunched up her nose as he messed up her hair. He was lucky he was drunk. She would've kicked his ass for doing that if he was of sound mind.

"Diego, you helped me cut my hair when we were eighteen," she replied, swatting his hand away from her head. "I haven't had long hair for _four years_ , my guy."

His gaze focused on a point behind her. He was lost in thought, and Vanya was about to snap her fingers in front of his face to get his attention when his eyes widened in revelation. A grin spread across his face as he met her eyes again.

"Oh, yeah!" he yelled, throwing his arms around her shoulders and practically pushing all his weight onto her petite body. Vanya huffed as she tried to hold him up. His voice dropped to a stage whisper as he said, "I remem-member! It w-was a hackj-j-job, but you loved it!"

Diego laughed. His lips brushed against her ear, and his breath tickled her neck with every word. A shiver coursed down her spine, and a blush painted her cheeks as she giggled at his antics. They were in a rather awkward embrace, but their proximity still spawned butterflies in the pit of her stomach and clouded the thoughts in her mind.

Vanya had met Diego freshman year of high school, but didn't develop a crush on him until twelfth grade. Not like that mattered, though. They had been best friends for almost eight years, and informing the man in question of her feelings would complicate their relationship.

On the other hand, she was never certain if her love was unrequited. They've had their moments. The not-so-secret glances at each other, the lingering touch of their hands, the hugs that lasted just a little too long, all were sure signs that _something more_ was there according to their mutual friend group.

Allison and Klaus told her time and again to make her move because they obviously had a thing for each other. Luther was clueless, but agreed with Allison's advice anyways. Ben quietly encouraged her to do what she thought was best for her. Five was reluctant to put her on a path that would get her hurt, but even he admitted that Diego was immensely infatuated with her.

Her friends had a point, but Vanya could never put her friendship with the boy she loved in jeopardy. She would just have to suffer in silence, digesting the flying insects and blinking away the fog whenever she was around him.

When Diego pulled away from her arms with a lopsided grin and a mischievous glint in his eyes, her heart skipped a beat before pounding in overdrive. His smile was her favorite feature about him because it felt different, even _special_ when directed at her, almost as if she was the instigator of his happiness.

Vanya shook her head. It was just wishful thinking.

Suffering in silence _sucked_.

"Ya kn-know, I loved it, t-too," Diego stuttered, bringing her back to reality.

"Huh?" she asked, confused. She couldn't remember what they had been talking about before she had gotten lost in her thoughts.

"Your hairc-cut, silly g-goose," he tutted, booping her nose with his index finger. "I loved it bec-cause you loved it! I like w-w-when you smile and look s-so happy," he rambled, exaggeratedly gesturing with his hands. "Not t-to mention, you looked p-pretty. And hot."

Vanya couldn't help the heat that colored her face and the giddy smile that appeared on her lips. Her sentiment about smiles was definitely shared.

"Thanks," she squeaked.

Before anything else could be said, Diego fell into her arms again, but not as a sloppy hug this time.

"W-whoa. I am c-completely shitfaced," he mused, a hiccup escaping his mouth. "C-can you g-get me outta here before I d-d-drink all the liquor?"

Vanya laughed.

"Of course, buddy," she answered. "That's what I'm here for. I'll just drive you back to your apartment—"

"No!" he exclaimed, clumsily pressing his hand to her mouth. "Klaus is there with Dave."

She nodded her head. She knew what he was implying about his roommate and his boyfriend.

"I gotcha," she told him as she pulled his hand away from her face. "You can stay at my place tonight."

"Thank you, b-best friend," Diego said, leaning heavily against her side as they stumbled out of the bar and into the parking lot. He screwed his face up in mock disgust. "I w-wish you weren't m-my best f-friend."

Vanya's heart clenched at his words as they reached her car.

"How kind of you, dickhead," she choked out. "What's that supposed to mean, exactly?"

She leaned the inebriated man against the passenger side of her car before taking a step back. She crossed her arms and raised an irritated eyebrow at him. She couldn't understand how he could be so cute and endearing one moment and a complete asshole the next.

"I d-don't like you like a b-best friend should," he explained, as if it were obvious.

Oh.

"I like you m-m-more than that," he continued. "I w-wish we were m-more than that."

 _Oh_.

Before Vanya could respond, Diego started falling again. She grabbed him and helped him into the passenger seat, buckling him up afterwards.

She really needed to talk to him about his drinking habits.

Well, she really needed to talk to him about a lot of other things now, too.

Confusion riddled her mind as she circled the car. Diego had never once hinted at his crush on her the countless other times that he was smashed. She wondered why they had surfaced now. Not that she was complaining, considering she finally knew that he returned her feelings. Her heart had soared at what he had said, but she cautiously reigned in her happiness with a tight leash. The timing of his confession was strange, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

Vanya pushed her thoughts away as she shrugged off her jean jacket and ducked into the driver side. These were questions to ask another time when they were _both_ rested and sober.

She glanced over at Diego after throwing her jacket in the backseat. He was turned towards her, sitting up straight. His eyes were opened wide. They didn't seem to be glazed over as they typically were when he was drunk. Instead, they were alert and anxious. He looked like he wanted to say something, so she patiently waited for him to speak.

Nevertheless, she didn't expect the words that did come.

"I think I love you," Diego whispered, his voice lacking the drunken stutter that it had sported for the majority of the night. His face was serious, and there was a flash of hope within her that he had meant the words he said, that the alcohol hadn't clouded his better judgment, but rather served as liquid courage.

Following his statement, his eyes snapped shut and he collapsed against the seat. His chest rose and fell with heavy breaths after being overcome with sleep.

Vanya let out a deep sigh that she didn't know she had been holding. A smile crept onto her face as she turned forward in her seat and put the car in drive. She felt tipsy herself, and as there wasn't a single drop of liquor in her system at that moment, she knew that it was his words that had intoxicated her. Diego's affection was her alcohol, her addiction, and she definitely wanted more.

"I think I love you, too, dumbass," she murmured in the silence of her car as she drove off. "You're gonna have a hell of a hangover tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


	2. The Right Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 3 is in the works! Again, warning for references to alcohol consumption and strong language use. Lemme know what you guys think!  
> Disclaimer: I do not own Netflix's Umbrella Academy or The Maine's Right Girl. This is just for fun and not for profit.

"Fucking _hell_ ," Diego moaned the moment he woke up, squeezing his eyes shut and contorting his face in pain. His head was pounding, like someone was taking a jackhammer to his skull. "I'm so fucking stupid, holy _shit_."

"I couldn't agree more, dumbass," a voice replied, one he knew all too well. "I've been telling you that for years, but you never learn."

A grin replaced the scowl on his face when he registered the joke a moment later. He attempted to sit up, but immediately regretted his decision as a sharp stab jolted through his brain. He fell back down with a grunt.

"Shut up, Vanya," Diego groaned, flipping onto his side and almost falling off what he now realized was a couch. "Let me live my life."

His eyes scanned the room to find the owner of the voice and make sense of his surroundings. It was familiar, but it wasn't his apartment. Soft light filtered in through the windows on the left, signaling the start of the day. The vintage blue armchair that sat in the corner, the ornate fireplace that appeared well-worn, the gray walls that were lined with cracks and picture frames alike, all were easily recognizable. He'd been here before countless times, especially in the state he found himself in now. It was Vanya's apartment.

Diego glanced to the right when he noticed movement in that direction. Vanya had stood up from leaning against the small island in her kitchen and was making her way over to him. She wore an oversized The Maine t-shirt and held a large mug in her hands, no doubt filled with black coffee.

"You don't even remember your life when you're drunk off your ass," she retorted, perching herself on the edge of her coffee table in front of him, just a couple feet away.

He was about to laugh and counter with his own witty comeback when he noticed something was off about her. Her smile was slight and strained, and her eyes appeared nervous as she stared into her drink. Her knee bounced restlessly, anxiously. She was obviously worried about something.

"Oh, shit," Diego muttered. "I don't even remember what happened last night."

It was a partially true statement. He wracked his brain for the memories of his time at the bar with Vanya, but came up short when he realized his recollection was fuzzy at best. They were all unfocused motion pictures without the sound, like silent movies saturated in hazy colors. He could see the cover band playing in the corner, the bartender cutting him off, a dark-haired girl looking annoyed, an amused Vanya dragging him out to her car, a condescending Five nagging him to sober up.

Wait, Five wasn't there at the bar last night. Was he?

Vanya pursed her lips and subtly nodded her head at his words. She figured he hadn't remembered, as it was customary for him to ask her for help recalling the previous night's events. However, he felt like a complete idiot this time around because of the disappointment written in the lines of her face. Something had happened that was bothering her.

He came to the conclusion that he must have done something wrong. Maybe it had something to do with that girl? Maybe it was Five?

"I'm not sure I even w-wanna know by the look on your face," Diego mumbled, his stutter slipping through because of his nervousness. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to go about apologizing for something he couldn't even remember doing, at least not yet, but he was willing to try. "W-was it bad?"

Vanya's smile widened, but it was still uneasy. She met his eyes before she spoke.

"You mistook a girl with long hair to be me," she explained, quietly chuckling at the memory. "It was quite entertaining until I had to pull your dumb ass out of the warpath of her fuming boyfriend."

Something in his mind clicked.

He remembered that.

His eyebrows furrowed. It certainly wasn't something that Vanya would get upset about, though. Something else must've happened. He pushed further.

"Is that all?" Diego questioned. The tone in his voice gave away that he knew something was up.

Vanya cast her eyes back down to her coffee, most likely contemplating her choice of words for what she was about to say.

She always said what was on her mind when asked, what she really meant when answering, and Diego liked that about her. She didn't mince her words, didn't beat around the bush, didn't fabricate lies. She was straightforward and to the point with every word that passed her lips, even if she unquestionably offended people.

That didn't bother him, though. He never had a sweet tooth for lies, and Vanya never sugarcoated the truth. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he'd harbored a secret crush on Vanya since sophomore year of high school.

For two years, their friend group offered him apologetic glances and words of pity as it was clear that he liked her, but she didn't like him. Diego had pined for her, and she never even knew it, or at least hadn't believed it when their friends told her.

He loved their friends, but that was a _complete_ dick move to out him like that. At least she dismissed their musings as jokes. He wanted it to stay that way, too. He didn't know what he would've done if their friendship was ruined because of his stupid feelings.

However, senior year rolled around, and their friends were suddenly encouraging him to ask her out, to tell her how he felt. Well, everyone except Five. He was an overprotective smartass who thought Vanya was too good to even be _friends_ with him, let alone _date_ him. He knew he was just trying to keep her safe, but seriously, did he have to bruise a guy's ego?

Diego shot down the ideas of their supportive friends every time, though. It was undeniable that they were awkward around each other more than ever at that point, and he didn't want to exacerbate the situation. Sometimes, Diego thought that maybe she had figured it out, but he knew that she would've talked to him about it right away.

He made it his mission to get over his silly crush. It hadn't worked out so well considering he was still very much in love with Vanya six years after he had fallen for her. Every time he thought he had made some progress, just the touch of her hand, the curve of her smile, the melody of her laughter would bring him back to square one. Diego was too far down the rabbit hole to ever have hope of returning to the surface.

After a while, he decided he was okay with that as long as he still had Vanya, whether she was just a friend or something more. He loved her, and that was all that mattered.

His thoughts were interrupted when Vanya took a shaky breath. She must've decided on the right words, probably playing out how the conversation would go in her head, because she released a wobbly exhale and began to speak.

"We had a riveting conversation that I'm certain you'd like to be aware of," she said softly, still gazing into her drink. Her eyebrows were knitted together, and a frown tugged at the corners of her mouth as she traced the rim of her mug with her index finger.

His heart felt like it had been dropped in a garbage disposal and torn to shreds because she just looked so _sad_ , and he wanted more than anything to make her happy again.

"What did I do w-wrong?" Diego croaked, his voice audibly troubled.

Vanya looked up at him and quickly reached out a hand to place on top of his own.

"Nothing wrong," she assured him. "You just said some stuff about me being attractive with short hair." A genuine smile faintly graced her lips before it disappeared again.

Another puzzle piece that made up the image of last night slid into place.

He remembered that.

He chuckled, but his heart wasn't in it, not even close.

"Damn, I'm a real charmer when I'm w-wrecked, huh?" he attempted to joke, but both parties knew it had fallen flat.

"Oh, that's not all," Vanya continued, still maintaining eye contact with him. "You also mentioned that you liked when I smiled and when I was happy, which _should_ be a given since we're best friends."

Her voice cracked with the last few words she choked out, and her hand lightly squeezed his. She closed her eyes for a second, as if to gather her thoughts and her strength, and opened them again.

"But apparently you don't wanna be best friends with me."

_Shit_.

He remembered that. He remembered fucking up.

Diego swore that his lungs gave out, and he stopped breathing in that moment. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have done that to Vanya, to the girl he loved?

"F-fuck," he breathed. "I did _not_ m-mean that, Vanya, I swear." He was grasping for words, for apologies, for explanations, for _anything_ to say to make up for what he had done. "I was absolutely _w-wasted_ last night, I had _no idea_ w-what was coming out of my m-mouth. I am _so_ fucking s-sorry—"

"Just shut the fuck up and let me finish, asshat," she cut him off with a bone-breaking squeeze to his hand.

Her tone wasn't loud and angry, like he expected it to be. Rather, it was soft and slightly irritated. Diego was effectively silenced, allowing her to talk again.

"You don't wanna be best friends with me because you like me more than that." Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink as she paused to bashfully break their intense eye contact, but quickly met his gaze again. "In fact, you admitted that—"

"I think I love you," he finished.

He remembered that.

Diego's heart felt like it was going to beat right out of his chest. He moved his mouth to speak again, but no words would come out. This was _not_ good. She wasn't supposed to ever find out about his feelings for her. He was going to lose her now.

This must have been why she was so upset. Learning that your best friend was in love with you couldn't be easy if you didn't love them back.

What the hell was he going to do?

What the hell was _she_ going to do?

"If you didn't fucking pass out right after that, you would've heard me say that I think I love you, too," Vanya said, her voice unsteady.

He didn't remember that.

Well, he supposed there was a reason for that.

She looked at him expectantly, likely waiting for an intelligent and earth-shattering response from him, one that would sweep her off her feet and make her swoon.

"Oh."

Diego winced at the word that had slipped out, if "oh" could even be considered a _word_. You don't just say "oh" when someone confesses their feelings for you. "Oh" means disappointment, dismay, dissatisfaction, nothing that described the way she made him feel. Over the moon, in seventh heaven, on cloud nine, any cliché paled in comparison to what her words did to him in that moment.

But all he could say was "oh". Fucking " _oh_ ".

He was a dumbass.

" _Oh_?" Vanya asked, dumbfounded. "Are you fucking serious, Diego?"

She pushed his hand away and roughly set her mug on the coffee table next to her, spilling some of the liquid from the container.

"You…you couldn't say… _shit_ ," she stuttered and raked her fingers through her pixie cut as she searched for the right words. "Just… _damn_ , just…say something _else,_ for the love of _fuck_."

This was the first time that Diego had ever seen her infuriated to the point she was speechless. She loved him _back_ , and he was being an absolute _idiot_ just lying there stunned with a sorry excuse of a word on his lips. Their shared aggravation in his stupidity seemed to light a fire under his ass as the paralysis incapacitating him dissipated.

He didn't think before launching himself at Vanya in spite of the howling pain that protested in his mind, throwing one hand around her lower back and the other on the back of her neck. He pulled her onto his lap and kissed her, his awful hangover immediately drowned by the euphoria of having her lips on his. It was intoxicating, and he decided he wouldn't mind getting drunk on her kisses instead of the hard stuff for the rest of his life.

After a few moments of pure bliss, Vanya pulled away with a swollen smile and a dazed look in her eyes.

"Or you could just do that," she said breathlessly, biting her bottom lip.

Oh yeah. She was the good stuff, and he was _hooked_.

He wanted to kiss her again, but there was something he needed to do first.

"I love you, Vanya," he whispered, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "I don't just think so, I know I do."

The memory of his first time telling Vanya that he loved her may have been clouded by his drunken stupor that night in her car, but he would _clearly_ remember this moment forever. No amount of alcohol could ever make him forget.

He _would_ remember that.

"I know," she responded with a grin on her face. "I love you, too, dipshit."

Diego laughed at her unique term of endearment, a smile playing on his lips. He would never understand why she chose _him_ , why she loved _him_ out of anyone in the world.

"Why the hell do you love me if I'm such a dumbass?" he asked, leaning in closer.

He could smell the coffee on her breath, and he was certain she could smell the liquor on his. Neither of them complained, though. They didn't want to be any further away from each other than they were right now.

"Because you're just…you," Vanya answered, her lips brushing against his and her thumb tracing his jaw. "I don't really know, but you must've done something right," she laughed. "Or maybe I'm just a dumbass, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


	3. In It For A Minute, Just Admit It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this is up later than I said it would be. It's not amazing, but I enjoyed writing Five's character. You can read into his character in this however you want, I was going for overprotective brother-type friend, but I can kinda see a bit of jealousy, too. Also, I think dumbass is gonna be their always because I ended each of these chapters with them saying dumbass! Amazing! Mentions of drinking and strong language, once again. Lemme know what y'all think!  
> Disclaimer: I don't own Umbrella Academy or Right Girl. This is for fun and not for profit.

“I think you wore this on purpose,” Diego said, wrapping his arms around Vanya from behind. 

 

They stood in the kitchen now after Diego made himself a cup of coffee to wake himself up and help soothe his migraine.  However, he left the drink abandoned next to the coffee maker in favor of hugging Vanya.

 

“What, this old thing?” she laughed, setting her mug down on the counter to lace her fingers through his on her stomach.  “There was no thought put into my pajamas, Diego.  I just threw on whatever was on top.”

 

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” he responded as he pressed his lips to her neck, sending a shiver through her body.  “I’m pretty sure you had a plan to seduce me.”

 

“At this point, I don’t think I needed to seduce your dumb ass considering you were madly in love with me already,” Vanya scoffed, turning around in his embrace and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

 

Their feelings had been confessed just an hour prior.  In that time, there had been a lot of talking, answering questions like _how long_ and _who knew_ and _why me_.  Of course, there was kissing included in that sixty minutes, too.  _A lot_ of kissing, actually.  It was _heaven_.

 

Diego moved closer, pushing her up against the kitchen island.

 

“Well, you are pretty fucking irresistible,” he said with a mischievous grin on his face.

 

He gripped her waist and placed her on top of the counter, earning him a squeak of surprise from her.  He pressed his body close to hers and captured her lips with his own.  She moaned against his mouth as one of his hands gripped her thigh while the other rested on her lower back.  Her hands slid into his hair, tangling with the curls and pulling him closer to deepen the kiss.

 

If the past hour hadn’t convinced Diego that kissing Vanya was a divine experience, then this moment would certainly convert him.

 

They reluctantly parted with heavy breaths, but remained close, leaning their foreheads against one another.  She bit her swollen lip in an attempt to suppress the giddy smile forming on her face. 

 

His heart did summersaults at the sight.  He immediately had the urge to kiss her again so that he could taste her smile and bite her lip himself. 

 

 

 

Before he could lean in again, though, she pressed a hand against his chest and raised a questioning eyebrow.  A smirk appeared on her lips. 

 

“Why now?” Vanya asked, lightly pushing him away so they could comfortably maintain a conversation.

 

“What?” Diego asked, confused as he took a step back.

 

“You’ve been drunk _plenty_ of times, trust me,” she teased, “but you’ve never done anything, well, like _this_ before.  Why now?”

 

He thought about her question.  A wrinkle creased on his forehead that she ran a thumb over to smooth out.  Why had he done this now, out of any other time that he could have done so?  He ran through the haze of last night’s events, but nothing seemed to hold an answer. 

 

“I have no idea,” he admitted, his eyebrows knitting together.  “Maybe I just—wait.”

 

Diego’s eyes widened as he thought of a memory that had made no sense when remembered in the context of the trip to the bar.  That morning, he had confused the timeline of the previous day when trying to recall what had happened.  There was a vision in his jumbled mess of a mind of Five being the usual asshole he was.  It was out of place among the other occurrences at the bar. 

 

That’s because Five wasn’t at the bar.  He had paid a visit to Diego’s apartment before he had left to meet Vanya that night.

 

Diego squeezed his eyes shut and groaned.  It didn’t take him long to remember the awful conversation he had with Five.  Unfortunately, many of their conversations were unforgettable as Five had a knack for boasting his superior intellect, and would continually warn Diego against confessing his feelings to Vanya.

 

“What is it?” she questioned, laying a hand on his cheek.

 

“Five,” he whined.  “The prick dropped by last night to have a chat with me.”

 

Vanya lightly hit his shoulder.

 

“Hey,” she scolded.

 

“What, you’re saying he’s not a prick?” he asked with a laugh.

 

“No, he’s definitely a prick, said lovingly,” she replied, “but I’m wondering why you didn’t tell me that you saw him.”

 

“Probably because I didn’t want you to know what we had a fine conversation about,” Diego said as he remembered what happened.

 

“You’re such a fucking dumbass,” were the words he was greeted with when he opened his door to reveal Five the previous night.

 

“You sound just like Vanya,” he retorted.  “That’s called plagiarizing, ya know.”

 

All Five did was roll his eyes and push past him to enter his apartment.

 

“Come in, why don’t you,” Diego deadpanned, closing the door and turning to their friend. 

 

“I don’t want to do this,” he began with his arms crossed and a resentful look on his face, “but I’m doing it for Vanya, so I don’t have a choice.”

 

Oh, here he goes again.  Back on his bullshit.

 

“How noble of you,” he said as he slipped on his leather jacket.  “Are you here to tell me that I can’t see her any more like you’re a concerned parent?  She’ll kick your ass if she ever finds out you did something like that.”

 

“No, I’m actually here for something else,” Five replied, looking a bit uneasy.

 

The room was silent as Diego waited for him to continue.

 

“Well, get on with it,” he pushed, getting impatient.  “I have places to be.”

 

He still remained quiet as he stared at him, as if he was making up his mind about something.

 

“You’re wasting my time, asshole,” Diego sighed.

 

He moved to grab his keys when Five finally spoke.

 

“You should consider asking Vanya out,” Five admitted, his face contorting as if it pained him to say those words out loud.

 

Diego froze.

 

What the fuck?

 

“Holy shit,” he responded incredulously.  “Is this some kind of sick joke?  Like, are you guys in on a prank, because that’s fucking sadistic.”

 

Five threw his head back and groaned.

 

“No, you fucking idiot,” he grumbled, leveling his gaze again.  “She’s loved you these past four years, and you haven’t even noticed because you were too busy ogling at her and wallowing in self-pity.”

 

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  His words were damn near impossible to accept.

 

“Shut the fuck up,” Diego growled and pointed a finger at his chest.  “You have no fucking clue what you’re talking about.  She’d never love anybody like me, and that’s an insult to her to even suggest it.”

 

“Oh please, don’t you think I know how idiotic it is that she loves _you_?” he scoffed, pushing his hand away and leaning in.  “This is the only time you’re gonna hear this from me, and it’s the only chance I’m gonna give you to not fuck things up with her.  I don’t want you screwing her over, but it’s obviously hurting her the way things are right now.  Grow a pair and tell her how you feel before I change my mind.”

 

Diego stared straight ahead and clenched his jaw as Five moved past him to leave the room.  He didn’t know if he trusted what he had just told him.  The thought of Vanya loving him was unreal.  It couldn’t be true.

 

Could it?

 

“I don’t want to lose her,” he muttered, turning to face their friend who stood in the doorway now.

 

“You won’t,” he assured him.  “Not by doing this, at least.  It’s up to you what shit you pull after that to lose her.”

 

Oh, that smug little bastard.

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence, shithead!” Diego called after him as Five shut the door behind himself. 

 

Maybe that’s why Diego had found himself downing shot after shot in a fruitless attempt to forget Five’s words.  Unfortunately, they lingered in his mind and nagged him the entire night with Vanya at the bar.  The alcohol couldn’t drown out _she’s loved you these past four years and you haven’t even noticed_ when he had collapsed into her arms.  The liquor hadn’t buried _it’s obviously hurting her the way things are right now_ when they staggered from the bar.  The booze didn’t overpower _grow a pair and tell her how you feel_ when they sat in her car.

 

Technically, in some twisted and convoluted way, Five actually was at the bar last night.  He was just in Diego’s fucking head the whole time.  The irritating bastard just wouldn’t leave him the hell alone.

 

“What’d he say?” Vanya asked, pulling him out of his reverie.  “I swear, I’ll kick his ass—"

 

He laughed as he stepped close again and placed his hands on her hips. 

 

“Oh, believe me, he knows,” he replied, grinning at how she scrunched her eyebrows together.  “He just told me that I should ask you out is all.  In his own fucked up way, of course, but he said it nonetheless.”

 

He omitted the fact that he had been telling Diego not to ask her out for years and outed her feelings for him before she did (although it didn’t seem to count if he didn’t remember his conversation with their friend until now).  Five totally owed him for saving his ass from Vanya’s grade A ass-kicking.

 

“Did it really take a talk from Five of all people to confess your undying love?” she joked, wrapping her arms around his neck to bring him closer. 

 

“Seems that way, don’t it,” he responded with a kiss to her jaw.  “Maybe we should sing his praises for inspiring me to, and I quote, _grow a pair_.”

 

Vanya giggled, their noses lightly bumping each other.  He hummed in response to her laugh. 

 

Maybe he should thank Five for knocking some sense into him, even if he did do it in such a blunt and derogatory manner.  Though, it was Five after all.  No one could expect him to be any less churlish in any situation, even if it involved his very own friends.  His advice was about as kind-hearted and compassionate as he could get, give or take a few curses and insults.  His confrontation did the trick, and Diego now had a chance to be with Vanya.  Maybe he should show appreciation to Five for his help in getting the girl of his dreams.

 

Then again, probably not.  He wouldn’t want the asshole’s ego to inflate any more than it already would when he learned that he was right.

 

“You’re such a dumbass,” Vanya said pecking his lips with a smile.

 

“Can’t ever hear that enough,” Diego chuckled.  “But I’m your dumbass, so you’re stuck with me.”

 

“I can live with that,” she whispered, leaning in to close the distance once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed!  
> ~SOS~


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